Giving Your Baby Up for Adoption Can Be a Beautiful and Fulfilling Experience!
Article by Arlen Card
Your unplanned pregnancy has left you facing a very big, life-rocking decision. You are considering adoption or you wouldn’t be reading this, and chances are that you’ve heard a lot of strong opinions about it, pro, con, or both. I will walk you through the best process for completing an adoption in a way that leaves you feeling happy instead of stung, positive instead of dark.
There’s So Much Happiness Ahead for You if you Choose Well Now…
First of all, let me just assure you that your choice of placing your baby for adoption is the very best choice in most situations like yours. (Please note that we prefer the term “placing” instead of “giving up your baby for adoption” because it is more respectful to all involved, especially in this process that shows a high level of love and wisdom by all involved.) So unless you are mature, getting married, or have a lot of family and financial support behind you, then adoption solves basically all the problems unique to either parenting the child yourself, or abortion.
It is pretty clear that keeping and raising the child will both disrupt your life and ruin your finances. Without enough education and age in your favor, your earning power is low, and the expenses of raising a child remain at the same high level that they do for a wealthy or established mother, which means that it will use up a far higher percentage of your income.
Often that financial damage is enough to leave you and the child on welfare, living in a gritty, “Section 8” neighborhood, and dooming both you and your child to very few opportunities, and to frustration and want.
Abortion is barely worth mentioning as an option, because the damage it causes is far worse than parenting when unprepared. One independent study places the long-term cost of abortion at over $300,000 in costs for treatments for depression, lost work and other financial factors, not to mention how the much higher likelihood of the aborting mother suffering drug addiction can lead to total destruction of her quality of life.
How Everyone Can Win…
Adoption plays out completely differently. The mother, after a few months of disruption, gets her life and opportunities back. She can complete education, seek a deep and lasting love relationship, and avoid a life of poverty that would otherwise be dangerously likely.
The child, meanwhile, survives, and is gently delivered into the loving and capable arms of a couple ready, willing, and able to provide a life of love, free of want, and full of happiness and opportunity to the child. This couple is likely to have been waiting for a very long time to be chosen for placement, and your willingness in giving up your child now, when you’re not ready, will make their dreams of holding and cherishing a little one come true.
Is adoption a perfect solution? No, of course not. When a birth mother has spent months feeling life inside her, there is an inevitable and natural bonding between her and the child. Second thoughts and regrets are natural, but also manageable. This downside is far less intense, however, than the stinging regrets and likely profound depression following abortion, or the life of want and frustration following unprepared parenting.
Here are some tried and true methods for reducing and easily dealing with the emotional after-effects of placing your child for adoption:
1. Be certain you choose a top-notch adoption agency. The good ones take very good care of you, the birthmother, in areas of medical care and housing. They attract the very best adoptive parents. They treat you with compassion and respect at all times.
2. Be sure your adoption agency is ethically straight. All of them will pay you a living and recovery stipend (or should) to help you get back on your feet after delivery, but if the stipend is too low, it’s not enough help, and if it’s too high, then the motivation of the agency is called into question — are they a “baby-mill,” paying a lot because they charge a lot, and their motive becomes profit, not the lifelong well-being of you and your child.
3. Be sure your adoption agency provides free short and long-term counseling. They should be just a phone call away, whether they are in your neighborhood or several states away, to help you when you need a listening ear about your adoption choice. If they don’t, then where will you turn for competent, caring, and confidential help?
4. Write or record your positive feelings and thoughts when they occur, so that you can revisit them for those fewer times when you feel down. The ability to go back and read, hear, or see yourself emotionally happy and fulfilled can quickly lift you out of the difficulty of a bad day.
5. If possible, choose an adoption agency led by people with a personal love for the adoption process and outcomes. The importance of this is clear. When your adoption case worker and managers have either given up a baby for adoption, or adopted such a child, there will be a natural love, respect, and wisdom for you in your situation. Our agency is headed by three adoptive mothers (of which I am one), and employs some who have been in your exact situation, chose adoption, and have had a positive and fulfilling experience with it. (You can speak with any one of us 24/7 at 1-855-40-ANGEL, or 402-6435.)
6. Consider “open adoption.” This arrangement allows you to at very least receive photos, videos, and notes about the child as he or she grows. You can see pretty dresses, ball games, and birthday parties. In fact, the terms of open adoption are netogiable prior to the adoption event, and it is possible to negotiate more or less interaction.
7. Give yourself reminders, mental or written, of what a wonderful thing you have done for the child. Your generosity and courage have given the child a completely different life, one that is full of plenty and peace, opportunity and love. All you could have offered them was love, and would your relationship have been healthy after years of want and discouragement? Instead, your love has given them a very high chance of a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment. That’s heroism!
A good adoption agency will, within the bounds of what the laws allow, make the adoption process as pleasant as it can be, provide for delivery and medical expenses, and your outcome will absolutely be happier and far less life-disrupting than your other two alternatives. You can get more information on related topics here.
So be encouraged! You are giving the world another wonderful human being, and making a choice to provide both them and you with a full and happy life.
Watch these videos for an example of really good adoption outcomes:
Giving your baby up for adoption – the clear, best choice!